You know that feeling you get when you finally get to the part of the book you’ve been waiting for since the start of the book. You finally get there and you turn the page and
That’s the end of the book.
And you feel like crying.
Yeah, that’s how I feel right now.
And it’s not because it was a sad ending it was just that, the sad part is you can’t read more of the story.
Books make me so emotional.
Yesterday Shawn came over cause we were gonna go to a farm fair later on!
But before that me and him just hung out, made dinner, played card games, and watched “The Office” cause, why not?
It was all lots of fun!
Then me, Shawn, and some of my family went to the farm fair!
We went off on our own so that was nice. At the farm fair, there are (obviously) animals to look at. But there’s a bunch of stands for different businesses with some free candy (Yum!). There was some for like, getting houses. One guy was like “Oh are you guys new home owners?” or something like that and I was like “Haha nooo” and one other girl was like “I’m guessing you guys are too young to buy a home right?” It was pretty funny.
So at some stands, they will have a bunch of free stuff. Bags, pens, and other little things you could get. Well, Shawn took a bag from one of the stands and 10 seconds later the lady is like “Excuse me! That’s not free” I just started walking away at that moment cause I was so embarrassed for him haha.
There’s also a bunch of rides and carnival games you could play. We were just walking around and so many times they were like “Hey guys you wanna play it’s only $5! Oh, come on, win something for the lady” They kept using me to get Shawn to play!
After this, we walked around more to look at more stands, and we got some ice cream! Then we sat down where there was some live music. It was pretty nice!
Oh, also we got these cinnamon roasted almonds. A-maz-ing!
There was this one stand that had bath bombs, sugar/salt scrubs, and a bunch of bath type stuff! So I had to look at everything. Actually, Shawn is the one who pointed it out. He knows me so well 🙂 haha
I ended up getting a pink bubblegum bath bomb and a cocoa puffs sugar scrub. They both smell so good that you basically just want to eat it.
Way later on in the day Shawn actually did try to win me something but he didn’t win haha.
It was sweet though 🙂
There was a place to get smoothies and I wanted to get one. When we actually went up there to get one I realized how healthy and clean it was! It was just strawberries, coconut water, and agave. And it was pretty good! While the guy was making it in front of us Shawn was just having a full on conversation with this guy. Seriously he could talk to anyone. It’s so funny how easy it is for him.
The sunset was really gorgeous and we took some pictures with it in the background.
After the fair and when we got home, we are just talking about whatever and I bring up to him about my previous blog post and how I really liked it and I thought about showing it to him. So I actually did! I brought up the page and I walked to a different room cause I felt weird about being there. After he was done I came back and he was like “You never told me some of these things” and he said he loved reading it and it reminded him of how I talk. Which makes sense haha.
He liked it!! 🙂
Then here is the part of the blog post where things are a little sad.
My friend Wyatt, I was mentioning him in my camp posts (I still need to do more of those sorry!)
He was messaging me about how he wants to die and he sent me a picture of his chest all cut up and bloody. I start freaking out and I tell Shawn.
Seriously I started shaking because I freaking out about my friend and it makes me think of killing myself as well.
So Shawn is holding me and helping me breathe.
I message my friend more and I was really scared about him 😦
I think he is at least back home and somewhat safe but he keeps not saying things straight on and it’s really, ugh!
I wish he would just tell me everything.
But besides that, the day was pretty great!
I was just thinking about how I have no clue what I want to do with my life.
And it’s kind of…. annoying.
My whole life, ok well maybe not my whole life more like, for years I knew I wanted to be a baker. I loved baking and decorating. People would say I was good at it so, that made me like it even more!
But for the past year or more….. I’ve been so unsure.
I think about how I would like to be a psychiatrist, but that day-to-day life could get boring to me.
I think about how it would be so cool to do something in movies. Acting, directing, even just the camera guy or just being on set somehow! But I think about how my brother is into that and how he would probably get annoyed if I tried to do the same thing. Also, it’s a hard business to get into.
I think about being a Youtuber. But I also think how I’m not confident enough to do that. Also, I don’t really like what being a “Youtuber” is nowadays.
I think about how it would be cool to do something to do with space. But I’m not smart enough to do that. Also, it is on the lower end of my list.
I think about being a detective! But I don’t want to be a policewoman first and I hear being a private investigator is a hard business too.
I think about being a photographer. But I think about how I’m not good enough and also how it’s a dying business.
And finally,
I think about being a baker. But I also think, how am I any special compared to everyone else?
These are my thoughts, so if I think about what I want to do with my life I just push the thought away cause it’s too hard for my brain to think about right now.
How about you guys? Are you having as much trouble like me?
P.S. It feels so nice to just write down my thoughts. I feel like I haven’t done that in a while.
7/3/2017
Morning
TOO EARLY
Woke up at 6 because somebody else wanted to wake up early and…. they woke us all up. We only need to wake up at 7 but of course, we can’t sleep in.
People are still being boring and the best thing about this camp so far is just getting away from my house.
Update:
Bored
Another Update:
Missing Shawn.
So Aaron for sure likes Megan (my annoying cousin)
Sucks
Update:
Wyatt came! (He is our friend from other years of camp but he couldn’t come this year)
But I’m also super depressed 😦
He is trying to cheer me up but I keep on being sad 😦
Also, Wyatt is only here for the day
I don’t want Wyatt to go cause he is the only one that cares about me 😦
Update
I’m falling asleep
I kept falling asleep
Well almost falling asleep
Wyatt is cool
Wyatt has to leave 😦
He left 😦
Campfire:
ok
Kinda lame
A little funny
That little boy told his mom to “ask the pretty girl to come to our house”
So cute.
That makes me happy 🙂
Took a shower.
Talked to Shawn
I am told I have to read a bible verse tomorrow
Yay…
This is bad
Goodnight.
I’m back from camp! Yay! So as I said in my post a week ago I said that I was going away for a week at camp and when I came back I would write a post about each day of camp. So I brought my journal with me and every day I wrote about what was happening. So now I am going to type it on here. I didn’t have the best time at camp until the last two days. So here ya go!
7/2/2017
First Week Day
Morning Status….
Tired.
Woke up at…. hmmm, I think 6.
No… maybe a bit before?
Anyways….. TOO EARLY!
I already had most of my stuff packed just needed some last few things. Like, my iPod and earbuds so I can listen to music on this 5-hour drive to camp.
We left.
I listen to some of my new favorite songs like
2U and
Issues
both really good songs
We went to a park for a little bit to EAT FOODS.
Now we get to camp.
I haven’t been excited for camp because a lot of people weren’t coming back and…
Yeah, camp is not as fun.
People are ditching me and there are a lot less people to talk to
But still, some funny things happened. But the thing is that my cousin came again and I’m not happy to be with her. I’ve talked about her before on here and how she’s mean and annoying. A lot.
She’s also depressing. Sometimes she says things and it makes me depressed cause it brings back bad memories and I’m not 100% ok so it can make me sad.
Campfire
It was ok then it started raining!
So I came back to my room to call my love to just update him. The single is really bad so we talked for legit 2 seconds.
So I go back to where everyone is
The Cafeteria
and THE CUTEST THING HAPPENED TO ME.
This pregnant woman comes up to me and says “My 4-year-old son said ‘Mom look at that girl! She is so beautiful! And look at her dress! It’s so beautiful. Like a princess! And her hair is gorgeous!'”
And the mom said to him “Why don’t you go say hi to her?” and he said that he was too shy and that maybe he will later in the week.
SO CUTE!
Also
Got wifi!!!!
Update.
The Annoying Girl is not here
I’m so so so sorry!
It’s been 19 days since I last posted.
I lot has happened to be honest.
I think I was busy or just being lazy (probably just being lazy)
But then I was not feeling well at all for a week. My stomach hurt so much and I threw up two times! I still have no clue what happened with that but it was awful!
So obviously during that time, I didn’t feel like doing anything even just typing on the computer. And if I’m honest, I just didn’t know what to talk about!
Then after being sick I just had, work and boyfriend. Two very time-consuming things. Also just chilling watching Supergirl and The Flash on Netflix (another two very time-consuming things)
But I’m making this post because I’m going away for a whole week for camp so I figured I would give you guys the update. I’m going to be bringing a notebook with me and write down some of the main things that happen in the day andddddd
Write them on here when I get back!
So if that interest you at all then get excited!
Also, I’ll be posting again (Yay! Woo hoo!)
The thing that sucks about this year is that a lot of people from last year aren’t coming back. All the people I hang out with besides like, one close friend and a few not as close friends.
Also, Shawn is obviously isn’t coming otherwise I would be super super excited.
But I am still excited to get away from this house and mostly, my mom.
It’s still gonna be a great time.
Alright, I need to put my stuff in the car for tomorrow!
See ya next week!
I am hating myself right now.
Shawn and I got in a deep conversation about our relationship last night while he was over my house and we weren’t talking about nice things. We were trying to think of what was wrong because I feel like something is missing.
And I feel like there are a lot of different things that could be it.
But one thing is just that I tell him to do stuff and it feels like he is my son and I’m his mom.
I feel like I need to tell him to do stuff because I feel like he’ll forget to do it and then I’ll get annoyed at him for not doing those things.
Today we had an argument about, the death of many marriages, relationships, and maybe even friendships, money.
Without getting into all the details, basically I feel like he doesn’t use his money wisely. And he doesn’t have much money.
I also feel like he doesn’t use his time wisely and it really annoys me and I get annoyed at him every day for this stuff.
And today he was saying that he just wants freedom to do what he wants to do and that he will just “Take care of things without you having to worry about it” which I always take as a “Yeah I’m not going to get anything done”
So I said “Then maybe we should break up”
And I just…..
I’ve felt like shit since I’ve said that.
I’m such an idiot.
He said, “Now why would you say that?”
But there is still something off and it’s
I just want him to be my boyfriend
Not my friend, husband, son…..
I just want a boyfriend.
And it doesn’t feel like it.
And maybe that’s because no one treats us as boyfriend and girlfriend or because we don’t have the freedom to go out on our own and have Shawn drive us instead of my parents.
I also think it’s because I’m too bossy.
I feel like shit.
I’m getting annoyed at him because of him not using his money and time wisely.
But I’m getting too annoyed.
And I think it’s because I would get annoyed at myself for not using my money and time wisely and I’m just treating Shawn like he needs to be like me.
This is why I’m so annoyed at myself because Shawn is not the whole problem…
It’s me.
And I have stupid pride to get in the way.
And Shawn is at work right now so we can hardly talk and I’m just waiting for his next 15-minute break so he can talk to me.
Ugh.
Any advice?
